But we never do.
Monday, 31 March 2008
But we never do.
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
-- Everything all right?
-- Today we've also got...
-- I'll just get the card machine
A glass put down
Cutlery on plates
Things being crossed off and things being written on a blackboard
A cork removed from a bottle
A hunt for change
The card machine printing off a receipt
Thursday, 13 March 2008
...spun gold, added a good foot and a half to his height.
Lord Tywin had given him that crown to replace the one that was lost when the mob killed the previous High...
Sunday, 9 March 2008
Music that has nothing to do with the play
'I must say...'
'To me it seemed...'
Tip-up seats creaking
Things being unwrapped
Newspaper cutting rustling
Plastic sandwich bag whispering
Bag of sweets pulled open
Very quiet conversations punctuated by laughter and sneezes
Deep or high voices stand out
A sudden laugh
'Excuse me... excuse me...'
Stiff paper flapping -- programmes used as fans
Thursday, 6 March 2008
A polite enquiry
A strip light buzzing
A cardboard box slid across a gritty floor
Foot steps across a wooden floor above
A box being untaped
Till bleeping and cash draw opening
A mobile phone ringing
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
1. Put-upon -- this can be achieved by having someone ask you to perform small tasks; and also by doing many tasks that they do not ask you to do.
2. Anxious -- ensure you are always waiting for a phone call, and believe that life cannot continue until this phone call comes.
3. Blocked -- something is preventing you from doing what you want to do; it could be lack of money; or it could be the phone call; or it could be your to-do list of small tasks.
4. Hungover -- or dehydrated. This is achieved by drinking too much, or too little.
5. Frustrated -- an erratic internet connection.
1. Go to bed later than you meant. Stay up doing something that you don't really want or need to do -- channel surfing, or playing Mine Sweeper.
2. Sleep in for at least an hour -- but feel guilty about it. Have local radio playing during your lie-in.
3. Instead of getting dressed, waste some time, either channel surfing again, or reading a book you don't enjoy but think you ought to read.
4. Eat something for breakfast that you don't like because either you are too lazy to go out and find something you do like; or because whatever it is needs finishing.
5. Turn the computer on and launch Mine Sweeper. Close Mine Sweeper. Launch Minesweeper.
6. Phone your mother.
7. Get dressed in clothes you dislike.
8. Start a project. Become bored with it.
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
- Move boundaries
- Put up fences and hedges that cast shade
- Rev engines
- Park in the wrong place
- Allow their garden to run to weeds
- Having noisy children
- Play loud music in their garden
- Play musical intruments outside
- Work with a car stereo playing
- Let their dog bark all night
- Sit on their porch and just... watch
- Allow their children to run free
- Leave footballs and bikes out on the drive
- Form cliques
- Argue loudly
- Have thin walls
- Do building work without discussing with neighbours
- Let their car alarms go off
- Build an aviary next to the fence
- Steal fruit from your garden -- not just the stuff that drops on their side of the fence
- Not look after parcels
- Pilfer mail and newspapers
- Drive over planters
- Cause a flood by leaving the hose on or by water gardening badly
- Light lots of stinky bonfires
- Have noisy sex
- Have parties and not invite you
- When you complain, turn the TV right up
- Talk about you behind your back, rather than coming out and saying what you're doing to upset them
- Complain about you
- Have a noxious compost heap
- Smash milk bottles
- Instead of asking you not to park in a particular place, put a barrier up or vandalise your car
- Borrow things and not return them
- Angle their outside light so it shines through your windows
- Send anonymous notes to complain about things
- Ignore planning permission rules
- Allow their children to scream all the time, and yell at them
- Refuse to bell their cat so it frightens off your wild birds
- Spy on you
- Zap your TV with a universal zapper
- Shoot your porch light with an air rifle
- Dump junk mail through your letter box
- Kick your bins over so the bin men won't collect them
- Refuse to pay for shared maintenance -- cess pits, shared paths and so on
- Pile old recycling up on the kerb and then do nothing about it
- Drive across the corner of your front lawn
- Sweep up leaves that blow out of your garden and dump them in your porch
- Refuse to look after dangerous trees in their garden that overhang your property
- Run a brothal or a crackhouse
Monday, 3 March 2008
My keyboard tapping
An aeroplane circling
A car going past.
My neck joints crunching.
My chair creaking
The creak of the desk
My metal buttons hitting the desk.
The return key, which makes clunk, rather than a clatter-tap.
My own breathing.